You don’t belong here. What makes you think you could ever possibly be in the same league as all these other talented people? Why even bother?
Those were the thoughts that raced through my mind as I tried to fall asleep. Yesterday was a busy day, with quite a bit of social interaction. Every person I met with had such incredible stories and projects, and each time I met someone new, my mind would be blown.
The feedback I received regarding Orthodox Trucker greatly warmed my heart. Everytime someone came up to me and said “Hey you’re the trucker!” Or “and here’s the Orthodox Trucker!” I would smile.
However, as I laid down to sleep my mind was filled with all sorts of negative emotions. Doubt crept into my heart. I feared that I was inadequate, or that I didn’t truly belong. That somehow I was a fraud, because I’m not published or haven’t done anything close to what my peers have. It was 12am, and I laid in bed covered in darkness.
I said the Jesus prayer, and asked God for help. Suddenly I felt warm and heard the inner voice of my heart speak. It said “relax, and know that you belong here. Fear not and keep going”
I knew that it was just the enemy trying to trick me. I knew satan wanted me to give up, because he doesn’t need another voice talking about the goodness of God.
I woke up several hours later and after getting ready for the day, I went and headed to matins. The beauty of the service filled my heart with joy. The golden light from the hanging chandelier bounced off the icons, creating a heavenly glow. The smell of the incense lifted my thoughts to the beauty of Christ and how the things that are good, are true.
It’s day 2 of the writing conference. I am learning and meeting new people. I have met several wonderful people and have discovered so many countless amazing projects. I’ve even developed a few new friendships.
Thank God for sending me here.
The clouds are only gloomy if you choose to see them that way.