Time

“Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day, fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way… ” Time – Pink Floyd.

I was first introduced to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon when I worked as a summer camp counselor for the Boy Scouts back in 2003. I was barely 18 years old and only been an Eagle Scout less than a month.

I remember the week before all the campers arrived, us staff members would play that album as loud as we could, the music bouncing off the trees. The next morning that shattering chorus of clocks and bells (the beginning part of the song Time) echoed and reverberated across all of camp and was a wake-up call I will never forget!

Now as I get older, I am becoming more and more aware of the effects of time. It feels like just yesterday my son was born, and now here we are with my wife and I trying to figure out whether or not we’re going to send him to preschool. I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet.

I’m also aware of the effects time has had on my body. Even though I’m still in my 30s, there are things I really can’t do like I could in my teens. for starters, I can no longer pull an all-nighter like I did while in college. And the pounds just don’t melt away as easy as they once did.

Speaking of the passage of time, in November my wife and I will be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary. How keenly I am aware of what those 10 years have done to us. We have survived two separate divorce attempts, numerous miscarriages and plenty of other hardships and trials. And yet looking upon the soon to be completion of 10 years, I’m still just so grateful and thankful that she’s my wife. She is my best friend, and the love of my life. I’m also grateful for all of the frustrations and trials that we had to go through because we have learned from them and have grown as a married couple.

I left this morning thinking about time and realizing that on june 3rd, I’ll have been with my current job for 8 months. I looked back and reflected upon the fact when I first started, I was scared of entering the ports and tackling the unknown. The first week when I didn’t have my credentials needed in order to enter the facility, I would meet one of our other drivers outside and just swap trucks and then I would drive back to the terminal and go home. It was super easy! I thought “if I could just do this and avoid having to go in and do the rest of the job, that would be awesome!”

It’s funny though, because now I am in almost eight months and the job I do everyday is a total piece of cake (most days that is, there are days when nothing goes right and it takes hours and hours to get in and out)
As I thought about my 8 month work anniversary coming up, I remembered another anniversary. April 21st 2012, the day my wife and I were baptized and chrismated into the Orthodox church. Seems so long ago.

Both of our families and our church friends gathered around giving us hugs while we were dripping wet. It was honestly such a whirlwind that I only remember bits and pieces of the actual ceremony and the celebration we had at my parents house that afternoon. Seven years, it seems like a long time to us but really it’s just a drop in the bucket.

I do remember a feeling my wife and I both shared the very next day. Even though we had just been baptized and brought into the church, we both felt on Sunday morning that we were still not worthy enough to receive the Holy Communion. I believe we had a small fight either that morning or the night before, I really don’t remember the details. It was just that we already felt undeserving of the Eucharist. We explained this to our spiritual father at the time, and his response was “Good! May you never lose that feeling.”

Holy week 2019 found my wife and I working harder and trying to focus on what our spiritual father told us. We tried to remind ourselves of how important it is to keep ourselves humble. I still do not feel worthy enough most days. We attempted keep the fast this year but struggled. We set out this lenten season with the best of intentions and the loftiest of ambitions. We failed, miserably. However I was reminded that it is through our failings, that we learn. And so, we have learned a little more about humility and not putting the horse before the cart. Fasting is like learning to ride a bike, if you fall get back up, brush off the dirt and try again.

With that being said, it was not bunnies or multicolored eggs that we readied ourselves for, but rather it was one last opportunity before the resurrection to prepare ourselves for the fullness of time and Christ Resurrected.

Picture is from a couple days ago, waiting in line at the port of Seattle.

– OT

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