From Aspirations to Actualities

I’ve harbored a lifelong dream of attending seminary, a calling that took root as early as the second grade during a classroom discussion about our future aspirations. Enthusiastically, I declared, ‘a priest!’ Admittedly, my response was influenced by the setting of a Catholic school, where I presumed we were there to learn about roles in the clergy. However, as I matured, this initial inclination evolved into a sincere desire to serve God, persisting to this day with the aspiration of becoming a priest.

Since my early childhood, this deep-seated desire and calling to serve Christ has been with me. During those formative years, I had the privilege of being an altar server at my local Catholic church, actively participating in the entry procession where I would carry either the cross or a candle. Additionally, I was granted the opportunity to sit at the front of the church with the priest. On a special occasion, I was chosen to assist the local bishop, taking on responsibilities like pouring the wine and lighting the candles. I even found myself entrusted with the task of teaching new altar servers. These experiences were truly humbling, and I cherished the opportunities to serve in these roles.

As I grew older, my journey of service continued. I was also privileged to be a member of the Boy Scouts of America, achieving the rank of Eagle Scout. Summers brought opportunities for me to serve as a camp counselor at a youth camp, where I took on the dual role of Archery instructor and non-denominational chaplain. In the daytime, I would impart the skill of archery to the kids, and in the evening, I would lead prayer services. Throughout these experiences, my flame for Christ burned deeply within my heart, a fervor that has become increasingly difficult to ignore.

Much like my Father, I struggled with the desire for seminary and my faith as a Roman Catholic. However, after my wife and I joined the Holy Orthodox Church, that particular road block wasn’t a honderance anymore. Thus, the desire to attend an Orthodox Seminary, such as St. Tikhon’s Theological Seminary in Pennsylvania, Hellenic College in Boston, or even St. Vladimir’s in New York City became rooted within my soul. My goal has always been to receive an education in Orthodox studies and, more importantly, to serve God. Reflecting on my childhood dream, I bit the bullet and finally embarked on the application process in September 2020 for both Hellenic College Holy Cross and the University of Saint Katherine in California. I had a “do it myself” attitude, and admittedly, I didn’t have all my materials together, lacking letters of recommendation, among other things. Working on this endeavor independently, without guidance from a priest, led to some initial setbacks and challenges.

Two weeks later, I found myself in Rhode Island during a 34-hour reset. Seizing the opportunity, I rented a car and embarked on a journey of spiritual exploration. My first stop was Assumption of the Virgin Mary Greek Orthodox Church in Pawtucket, known for its unique underground tunnel connecting the church to the meeting hall—an architectural gem that fascinated me. The journey continued to Saint Michael’s Ukrainian Orthodox Church in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. Though I couldn’t enter, I took a moment to appreciate its architecture and offered a prayer.

The next destination was Brookline, Massachusetts, home to Hellenic College, Holy Cross—the very institution I aspired to attend. In hindsight, I realize my visit was somewhat impulsive and unprepared, but it marked a pivotal moment. As I departed from Saint Michael’s, a priest I had previously emailed finally responded, expressing regret for the delayed reply. He graciously invited me to visit and venerate the icons if I was still in the area.

In a short time, Father Vasily Lickwar and I coordinated my visit to the church. Once inside the beautiful Russian-built OCA Church, I had the honor of venerating icons and relics. Father Vasily shared the significance of each relic, revealing a connection to saints like St. Vladimir, the last martyr of the Russian Revolution, and St. Herman of Alaska. Reflecting on this encounter, I realized that St. Herman had been a silent companion throughout my journey. Additionally, a relic of the church’s founder, St. Alexander Hotovitzky, further enriched the spiritual depth of the experience. St. Alexander, a Russian hieromonk, founded the church in the early 1900s and tragically met his end in Russia, murdered along with 75 other Orthodox priests by the Communists.

Blessed by Father Vasily, I resumed my journey, driving to Brookline, Massachusetts. The campus of Hellenic College, Holy Cross, stood silent due to the prevailing pandemic. Undeterred, I walked around, paying my respects outside the chapel. The pilgrimage continued with a drive past the Holy Trinity Russian Orthodox Cathedral, a testament to the enduring beauty of Orthodox churches. This journey, marked by unexpected encounters and spiritual revelations, played a role in inspiring the creation of my instagram account “Amazing Orthodox Churches.”

In the turbulent backdrop of October 2020, our lives were marred by challenges within our family that reached a critical juncture. In the aftermath of this tumultuous period, the decision to relocate to Vancouver, Washington, in November 2020, emerged as a deliberate and strategic move. Eager to immerse ourselves in the spiritual community, we joined the local Antiochian church in Portlandp). The ensuing months brought an unexpected and cherished visit—Father George graced our home in February 2021 for a house blessing. His presence was more than a casual call; it became a pivotal moment in my seminary journey.

During that memorable afternoon, we engaged in discussions about our soap ventures, a project close to our hearts. In a moment of courage, I confided in Father George about my deep-seated desire to pursue seminary. His response was a profound blessing that set the wheels of change into motion. The whirlwind that followed saw me thrust into the choir as a chanter, navigating the intricate Byzantine tones, a challenge that both excited and daunted me.

In March of that transformative year, a significant milestone brightened my seminary journey—I received news that my application as a seminarian in the Antiochian Archdiocese had been accepted by His Grace Metropolitan Joseph. Buoyed by this affirmation, I eagerly seized the opportunity to apply to Saint Vladimir’s Orthodox Theological Seminary in April. Despite not possessing a bachelor’s degree, I embarked on this journey with a hopeful heart, nurturing the belief that a miraculous acceptance awaited me. The subsequent months involved intensive preparation, including studying for and barely passing the GRE test.

As Pascha, Orthodox Easter, unfolded on May 2nd, 2021, the air was filled with the resonance of holy week services and Paschal hymns. However, as Pascha concluded, a bittersweet twist awaited me. Transitioning from the choir, I embraced a new role behind the altar as an altar server. This shift, though significant, was overshadowed by the heartbreaking news that Saint Vladimir’s had denied my application. The absence of a bachelor’s degree and a less-than-ideal GRE score were cited as reasons for the rejection. In the wake of this disappointment, Metropolitan Joseph intervened, deciding to temporarily put my seminary application on hold until I earned a bachelor’s degree. Devastated yet resilient, I confronted the reality that my seminary journey faced an unexpected detour, prompting me to navigate the tumultuous waves of disappointment and determination.

Despite this setback, my commitment to the seminarian path remained unwavering. A pivotal juncture arrived as I received notifications about two significant events. Firstly, I would be attending the Antiochian Orthodox Clergy conference on June 16th, a step that affirmed my continued journey even after Saint Vladimir’s rejection. Simultaneously, another profound moment awaited me—I was to be tonsured as a Subdeacon on the thirteenth of June. Admittedly, I was not entirely prepared for this next step. My knowledge of serving behind the altar was limited, and while I anticipated, and even hoped for, a tonsure to the rank of reader, the unexpected rank of subdeacon was bestowed upon me. On Sunday, June 13th, 2021, during a Hierarchical Divine Liturgy, my first since my own father was made a Subdeacon, His Grace Bishop Anthony presided over the tonsuring ceremony. It was a momentous occasion as Me, my uncle, and our close friend Robert, all were tonsured as subdeacons. Notably, my cousin, the current choir director, was also made a Reader, adding another layer to the intricate tapestry of our familial and spiritual journey.

From June 2021 to February 2022, my focus shifted to academic pursuits at the local community college, driven by the aspiration to obtain an associate’s degree that would enhance my chances of acceptance at St. Vladimir’s. However, in March 2022, I underwent a significant transition, returning to work for Knight Transportation as an over-the-road trucker and driver mentor. The decision to continue my education persisted, leading me to switch to the University of Arizona’s online global campus, a venture supported by Knight. While I likely accumulated enough credits to obtain that long-sought associates, the challenges of a trucker’s life began to exert their toll.

As I traversed the highways, the rhythm of daily church services became increasingly elusive. Simultaneously, strained relations with my parents unraveled further, marred by emotional manipulations that eroded the sense of safety within the confines of Saint George. My own mother, at one point, attempted to exploit the relationship between myself and my priest, aiming to induce guilt and undermine the boundaries I had set. Yet, I remained steadfast in my commitment to maintaining those boundaries, recognizing the importance of self-preservation.

By December 2022, a new chapter unfolded as my focus shifted from the road to the prospect of homeownership. In January 2023, the ink on the papers marked our journey into homeownership, signifying a moment of excitement and stability.

Amidst this, January also beckoned me to embark on a pilgrimage to Alaska, primarily motivated by the desire to create content for Amazing Orthodox Churches. Little did I know that St. Herman, whose relics I had first venerated back in Rhode Island, had something more profound awaiting me in the Alaskan wilderness.

The rugged landscapes of Alaska provided a breathtaking backdrop to a journey that transcended the original purpose. As I explored the rich tapestry of Orthodox Christianity in the Last Frontier, St. Herman’s presence seemed to guide my steps. The echoes of his story, intertwined with the ethereal beauty of the Alaskan landscape, resonated deeply within me.

This pilgrimage became a poignant reflection of my seminary journey. From the early inklings in childhood to the decisive moments in churches across the country, each step unfolded as a chapter in a narrative that continually beckoned me toward seminary. St. Herman, a steadfast companion throughout, seemed to symbolize the threads that connect the disparate moments of my spiritual journey.

As I returned from Alaska, the newfound clarity and spiritual resonance served as a compass pointing me back to the path of seminary. The yearning that had first found voice in the hallowed halls of a local church and resonated through the journey of a trucker’s life had not dimmed; instead, it burned with a renewed fervor. Now, armed with lessons from the road, the resilience of navigating familial complexities, and the spiritual revelations of the Alaskan pilgrimage, the prospect of seminary once again beckoned, promising to weave a new chapter in the ongoing saga of my life and faith.

As I reflect upon those formative years, the stark realization hits me – I was unprepared, navigating the labyrinth of my dreams without the compass of guidance or the steadying hand of supervision. In my zealous pursuit, my aspirations lacked the fertile soil needed for growth. It became increasingly apparent that the journey towards realizing one’s dreams isn’t a solitary endeavor but a collective effort. Seeking permission, obtaining blessings, and embracing collaboration with others were crucial lessons I had to learn.

The trajectory of my early attempts may have been marked by an eagerness that, in hindsight, appears slightly untamed. However, it’s essential to recognize that this passion was the raw material of my dreams, a fervor that needed the shaping hands of wisdom. Hyperfocus, perhaps a double-edged sword, testified to the depth of my commitment. It took time and introspection to understand the profound truth that dreams, especially those of spiritual significance, thrive when cultivated within the framework of shared vision and collective support.

Since my return from the soul-stirring landscapes of Alaska, life has slowly settled back into its familiar rhythms. Yet, within the routine of normalcy, there lingered a persistent thread of unfinished business, tugging at the edges of my consciousness—the St. Herman Seminary application.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, while the weight of an unfulfilled commitment gnawed at me. The guilt, born from the awareness that I had received a blessing to embark on this journey, became an unwelcome companion. It wasn’t merely a piece of paper; it was a divine directive waiting to be honored.

In a moment of emotional overwhelm, I reached out to my spiritual father. His response, filled with enthusiasm, carried a surprising connection, as he shared that both both Bishop Alexi and Metropolitan Tikhon were at seminary with him. The connection felt like a bridge to a legacy, and his encouragement became a guiding light. His words, urging me to take one step at a time, echoed with wisdom. “One doesn’t just sit idly by when they have received a blessing to do something,” he remarked. Those words struck a chord deep within, prompting me to embark on the journey that had been set before me.

Now, armed with renewed determination and the guidance of my spiritual father, I have taken the first steps toward the completion of my St. Herman Seminary application. As I actively engage in the paperwork and delve into the intricate details, this process extends beyond the realms of mere documentation. It becomes a tangible manifestation of a spiritual commitment and a promise to honor the blessing bestowed upon me. The application, in its unfolding, is more than a formality; it is an act of faith, a response to a divine calling that has woven itself into the fabric of my journey. With each question answered and every section completed, I am not only presenting my qualifications but also affirming my unwavering commitment to the path that leads to seminary.

Thank you for reading my friends, I know this one was long but I appreciate you taking the time to be with me.

– Orthodox Trucker

Maybe… just maybe, this might be my future some day.