Today has been a rollercoaster of emotions, a test of patience, and a journey of self-discovery. It all began with an early morning 6am delivery, followed by hours of waiting for our next load amidst the slowdowns brought on by Chinese New Year. As my student and I found ourselves with unexpected downtime, we decided to utilize the opportunity for some backing practice while we waited in Fontana.
However, what started as a day filled with potential soon turned into a moment of tension and conflict. The decision to cancel our scheduled backing practice in order to prioritize an important load that was now ready early, led to a heated exchange between my student and I. Tempers flared, frustrations bubbled to the surface, and moods were soured. I dont like being yelled at, and even bringing that fact up caused tension. It also made me feel less of a trainer and as if I wasn’t good enough to do this, and what kind of priest would I be if that’s how I react when I experience tension?
In the midst of the chaos, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of guilt wash over me. Had I let my desire for efficiency overshadow the importance of nurturing my student’s growth and development? As we hit the road, the tension lingered, weighing heavily on my mind and heart. I found myself grappling with a myriad of emotions – frustration at the situation, guilt for my role in it, and a tinge of anger at myself and the circumstances that led to our disagreement.
But amidst the turmoil, there was a flicker of hope, a glimmer of faith that whispered of redemption and growth. In moments like these, I chose to reflect on my situation and how it would be seen in the eyes of the church. I don’t like being angry, and I chose to find a lesson in it. I chose to seek out the teachings of Orthodoxy, not just as a reminder, but as a guide to understanding the deeper implications of my actions and emotions. True strength lies in the ability to remain steadfast in the face of adversity, to approach every situation with love, understanding, and compassion.
As I navigated through the storm of emotions, I couldn’t help but reflect on the deeper implications of our disagreement. What does it mean for my journey towards the priesthood? How do these personal struggles intersect with my faith and calling?
Following Christ, I found solace and reassurance. I chose to try and find the lesson in the day, to seek out the deeper meaning behind the challenges we faced, and the reflections of my soul within. I didn’t want to dwell and allow the anger to just bounce around in my head. There is no need to allow anger to light smaller mental fires continuously when the church encourages mindfulness, peace, and self-sacrifice.
As we continued on our journey, I held onto the lessons learned from today’s experiences. I want to strive to channel my emotions constructively, to seek inner peace and harmony amidst the chaos of life on the road. And amidst it all, I try hold onto my calling. And use it as a prism for how I act and behave while in this tumultuous world.
Today was a reminder that faith isn’t just about moments of joy and celebration but also about navigating the storms and challenges that come our way. It’s about finding strength in vulnerability, growth in adversity, and hope in the midst of despair. And as I look ahead to tomorrow, I do so with a renewed sense of faith and determination, knowing that each step forward brings me closer to the path that God has ordained for me.
Things are pretty much calmer now. We’re on the road, and we are conversing somewhat again. We will be in our Acampo CA drop yard through to Monday due to the freight shortage. It’ll be a good time to get some of that ancillary training done.
Thanks for reading, my friends. Keep me in your prayers, will you?
– Orthodox Trucker
Orthodox Trucker 